The morning after the weekend before

It's the first working day after England and Wales's inaugural 24-hour drinking weekend. And many people will doubtless have spent much of the weekend feeling a bit worse for wear. Author Stephen Tomkins wonders why, when everyone knows how they feel after a few drinks, do we do it?

It's the taste of repentance.

It's the taste of remorse, and the revenge of your body. 'Go ahead,' it says, 'pump me full of poisons. You're the boss. But in the morning, I'll be in charge. And you'll pay, you punk.'

It's the taste of what goes up coming back down, rather further than it went up. At least it's not the taste of what went down coming up.

It's the taste of stale booze and nicotine and acetaldehyde and whatever this filth is on your tongue. It's the taste of ashtrays swilled out with morning-after dregs - which you don't recall drinking but you couldn't swear.

It's not an especially nice taste at all.

It's the taste of self-inflicted physical abuse that seemed like a pretty good idea at the time.

It's the taste, if you'll forgive me getting philosophical on a Monday morning, of determinism. Because what creature in control of its own destiny would have chosen this one?

Stone age

It's the taste of living in the biotechnological stone age. One day we'll all have microchips allowing us to put our brains back to sleep until it's all over. Normally, you might have reservations about messing with nature, but this morning you see it clearly. Nature is the enemy and deserves what's coming to it.

Ashtray
The taste of the morning after

It's the taste of learning when to call it a night, six hours too late. It's sod's law. Any reasonable sense of judgement will tell you to stop when you've had a few. But then what does having a few do to your sense of judgement?

It's a nasty taste in the mouth, but the one advantage you have over the rest of the world is that you can't smell it.

It is of course the taste of the morning after the night before. It's just that you seem to have ended up with several other people's nights before too.

What you could really do with is the taste of coffee - but then do you actually need any more dehydration? Your brain has clearly dried and shrivelled into a kind of furry walnut, and that can't be good. Ironic really, considering how much fluid you put in your body last night, and how desperate it seemed to get rid of it all.

You could also do with an effective hangover cure. What was that thing with orange juice and a raw egg? You discuss the subject of raw eggs with your stomach and get the gastric equivalent of a hollow laugh. Well, you don't want to tempt bird flu anyway, though how bad can it be compared to this morning?

Drumming

This is divine retribution for having Christmas drinks before it's even December. Now you've already got a premature gift of 12 drummers drumming in your head, 11 lords a-leaping, and quite possibly several species of old English poultry too.

Simon Jones and Ashley Giles, post Ashes celebration
Bright light
The editor would like me to analyse how you can feel so bad on a Monday morning that you swear you'll never touch another drop, and then on Friday do it all again. And it is indeed an interesting question, but a very easy one too - hence the unusually drawn-out getting to the point. The answer is: stupidity. Stupidity and/or dependence, take your pick.

If you'd like more detail on the point: you crawl through a day of miserable self-inflicted illness, pain, nausea, feeling like a landfill, and hating yourself and everything else. Then once the feeling wears off, at the next opportunity you do it again.


It's the taste of what goes up coming back down, rather further than it went up
And it's not even as if this is the inescapable price for an enjoyable night out. People have been known to enjoy a night out without losing the use of their legs, throwing up on the night bus and waking up in purgatory. So, stupidity and/or dependence, take your pick.

To be fair, I suppose there is one more factor, which is that humans don't seem to have a very good memory for pain and illness. Every time I get sick, it's the worst thing in the whole world ever (and yes I am a bloke), it's intolerable misery, and all those times before that I thought were the worst illness of my life, I didn't know what I was moaning about. And then when it goes away I realise that it wasn't so bad after all and I should have just pulled my socks up.

So I'll concede it's probably natural to forget how badly one suffers. Then again, if a friend said, 'Do you want to go out and get the flu on Friday?"' I think I'd have the sense to pass anyway.

Add your comments on this story, using the form below.

I used to like drinking with my pals but recently it just doesn't hold the same appeal. I'm not sure whether it's the fear of the hangover or the fact I've grown up but I don't miss it.
Nick Beazley, London

I would take issue with Kurt Wiliams assessment of alchohol consumption and its consequences. Some of our greatest and most prolific writers and artists have been known to be excessive users of alchohol and would claim it to be a significant part of their creative process.
John Probyn, Rolvenden Layne

I can't remember who said it but, "Beer is God's way of telling us he love us". If that's true the morning's wretchedness is the stark reminder that we're not with the big guy yet; no matter how much we feel like we're on the way!
Jeremy Cook, Guildford, UK

It's not that we never learn but that we always forget. We forget our inhibitions and our troubles, we forget our quibbles and any consequences. We forget our limits. And we want to forget all this. We want to be here, now and happy. We want to get out of our heads and into our souls. We want to drink... I too get a hangover occasionally but it's worth it.
Dave Browne, Crouch End, London, UK

This article contains no salient points at all, it's like listening to a six year old child. How can you have done this to your brain, Mr Tomkins? Do you really hate it so much?
Jo, Cambridge, UK

Sounds like he needs a drink. People have a choice and sub-conscious will of wether to get wasted or not. Having said that, hanovers can either be more fun than the night before or extremely scary when 'The Fear' appears. For health reasons though, moderation is a recommendation.
Simon, San Cristobal de las Casas

The key to this topic, and I guess for life in general, is that most, if not all things should be done in moderation. Not sure about the comments from people on their moral high horses because they don't drink and think all boozers are inferior. Similarly, am not amused with a loud binge drinker who barfs all over my shoes when he's rinsed in the pub. Friday night on the sauce all night, Saturday spent bringing up the rotten kebab and cheap alcopops, and Sunday re-organising your finances 'cos you spent so much on Friday!! Sad really, but good fun at the time!!
Mark, Middlesbrough, England

Hangovers? After nearly twenty years of experience in such suffering. A hangover seems a rather cordial escapism to me. Drinking is boring and so is the social circle that goes with it. Sadly everyone is too lazy to find something else fun to do and inspire others to do it.
Dominic , Liverpool

Hate to be a goody-two-shoes, but I don't drink at all and don't see why anybody does. I have a hard enough time trying to stay healty as it is without pumping alcohol and cigarette smoke into my body. Just don't know how some people remain so attractive and fit when they habitually abuse themselves every Friday and Saturday night (and Tuesday and Thursday night and Sunday afternoons if you are a typical student). I reckon that anyone who likes doing this - and they aren't just office workers - should spend an afternoon in the local hospital liver unit. Not that that would stop people, as afterall, getting a bed on the ward doesn't seem to stop most people, who continue to drink as much as they can after being discharged. Don't know why alcohol has such a clutch on so many people, but there has to be more to it than stupidity.
RB, Sheffield

If you keep getting drunk that's affecting your life and/or job negatively - even if it's once a week, once a month - it's called alcoholism. You do need help. You just have to admit it first.
Chris, UK Ex-Pat

I agree with Paul Growcoot, the problem is a social/cultural one. Having lived in the UK for many years, I was shocked by the relationship Brits have with alcohol; how every weekend going out meant get completely wasted. Reading most of the comments posted by the readers I am surprised that they find this kind of behaviour normal and universal. I do agree that not all Brits Binge drink but still there is an alarming number that do and see this as normal. Drinking 8 to 12 pints a night is not normal and no other European country has such a problem with alcohol. You do not need to get wasted or even drink to have fun.
Juana Codina, Paris/France

Alot of people now successfully avoid hangovers by not drinking alcohol at all - they use reational drugs instead! Humans will always be self destructive.
BG Jocelyn, London

The real question is - is it worth a day of feeling awful for a night of drunken escapism...of course, otherwise we simply wouldn't do it to ourselves. oh and a shot of drambuie just before bed - kiss goodbye to that hangover - works every time!
Paul, Cardiff

Honestly! As if the binge drinking were not enough we now have binge whingeing!
Liz, Hereford

Its forgetting all the horible mistakes youve made, its escaping that farce you call a life/ a job/ an education its escaping the fact that your single/partnered/married/divorced its escaping the dull and drudgery of everyday life with its endless repetetive cycle of events its because everything seems so much more ammusing when you add alcohol to it its because you forget the bitterness and anger of your life created by all the above things but most of all its because everyone else is doing it and there really annoying if your sober and there not
craig, bath

I live in California;originally from Belfast via London;we drank when our team won and when our team lost.You can say the culture has something to do with it but it sure is great when you don't drink anymore.I feel much fitter and v=can work out more and get things done. The Muslim culture has one over on the West what with their abstinence from alcohol.Most money is spent on medicine at the beginning and at the end of life;the end comes much more quickly and more agonizingly if a person drinks and smokes. We have overcome the smoking culture;now it is time to seriously look at the drink culture;a lot of which is down to loneliness and boredom as someone else has pointed out.
leo boyle, sacramento,california usa

Hangovers are just the side affect of a particularly good drug. I night before the morning after is all about enjoying great company, nice tasting drinks, sometimes food, tobacco products if you like, and generally letting your hair down. The vast majority of people that enjoy such activities do this responsibly and have great fun doing it. I just can't imagine why pompous killjoys insist on moaning on about 'binge drinking', or slinging childish insults at people who chose this line of enjoyment. Fun often tends to have risks and consequences, and going out enjoying booze is no different. I just wish people would stop bleating on like it's some sort of major social problem.
Steve, Holborn, London

I would like to say something sanctimonious, but when it comes to the abuse of alcohol and the continued craving for cigarettes, there is nothing sanctimonious to say which has not already been said. Dreary affected little englander me.
Rory Meakin, London

As I've said many times, "It's truly amazing what the simple fermentation of sugars can do to carbon-based life forms." Cheers!
Ray Spruzenieks, Beaconsfield, Quebec, Canada

Bring on the 24 hour liscence, people dont need 24 hour pubs to get drunk its the power of free will.
Ben, London Essex

Let us not forget it is a scientific fact that binge drinking is a blast!
Jake Wetherall, London

As Churchill said: 'I've had a lot more out of alcohol than it's had out of me'.
Ian, Kosovo

Was Stephen Tompkins hungover when he wrote this? Maybe he was drunk. It was confused and confusing - a lot like having a druken idiot shoting nonsense in my ear.
Rodney Sharples, Dublin

True, very true. But Alcohol also provides the world's greatest excuse. You can get away with social suicide and blame it on your (real or imagined) level of intoxication. And the morning after it absolves you of domestic chores at home, and also quite a lot at work too. Homer was right - "beer is the solution and/or cause of all life's problems".
Ben, London

Alcohol, like any other mood changing substance is toxic and develops a reaction to the body and an obsession to the mind.This is a process and the person involved most of the times does not consciously notice the changes within.Once your chemical reaction in the brain has been changed,an illness called compulsive disorder with settle in not leaving the person any choice to or not to drink.This disease of addiction is also called Alcoholism,a word mostly avoided by poeple in denial.Be honest to yourself and you will find out if you are at risk.